I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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