fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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