do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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