so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
