You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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