Cold hands, warm shart.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
