im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
