Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
