How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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