You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
