i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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