She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
this is an emotional support booty call
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
how does that bad decision feel?
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