my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
