is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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