Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
