fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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