Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
