1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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