Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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