That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Terrible idea I love it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
