so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
