There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
