So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
