Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she peed on how many people?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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