Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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