My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
