these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
