Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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