I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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