I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
