More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
