please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
