if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
