im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
