Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
