Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
