Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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