wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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