Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
