Someone shit on the floor
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
