let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
