there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
