I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
