apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
