suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
