Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
