The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Damn victory sex feels great
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
