You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
