Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
