When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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