we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
