I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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