I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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