the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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